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Archive for January, 2007

Prego No Mo

As you might remember, last June my sister announced that she had a bun in the oven.  Sure enough, that bun grew into a baby, causing a protrusion:

Also, it turned her innie into an outtie (Darrick took advantage of this by painting a likeness of their son over it).

Well, the time has finally come!  I’m proud to say that my sister is no longer pregnant:

On Monday, after 27 hours of effort, a miniature boy emerged from my sister’s womb.  Welcome to the world, Alexander Sean Mallon!  Welcome to a world where your Grandmother never ceases to make Jane Curtin jokes at your expense and your parents threaten for months to name you “Captain, O My Captain.”  It’s not so bad, I promise.

Congratulations Mallons, I can’t wait to see you guys next week!!

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Icebreakers Cont’d

So after all our brainstorming, we decided on an icebreaker for small group. We chose:

“What’s the worst trouble you got into in school?”

It turned out pretty well, everyone seemed to have a good story to share. My personal favorite was Keith’s. I’m not quite sure I remember the whole story, but the offense was putting a miniature carton of milk in a bowl of pudding (what?) and the punishment was pounding the kid’s head into locker after locker (what?!).






My story was set in 3rd grade, (probably the worst school year of my life). I was passing notes to Kathy Krueger in Music class, and one of my notes read Social Studies sucks.

You can’t say “sucks” in Catholic school.

My music teacher, who happened to also teach social studies, asked Kathy to give her the note I’d just passed. Instead of handing her one of the notes that said something like Can we play on the swings at recess? or Jacob Pearce is so cute! she had to pass her the note that said Social Studies sucks.

Earlier that year, this teacher had deemed me the “best reader” in our grade and so had awarded me with the prestigious role of “Narrator” in the 3rd/4th grade production of the story of “St. Francis of Assisi: Patron Saint of Animals” for our Christmas Pageant.

So when she saw my note littered with profanity (“sucks”) about Social Studies, she said to me in the most dramatic way you could possibly imagine:

“I can’t believe I made you narrator!”

I spent the rest of the day crying, and my parents made me write an apology letter to her that night.







What was the worst trouble YOU got into in school?

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A Mélangey Weekend

How about those weekends, huh?  Mine was notable for seven reasons:

1) I finally said goodbye to Christmas.   The tree has been taken down and I now have 36 candy canes that I don’t know what to do with. 

2) I watched My Girl again.  Knowing my tendency to get emotionally attached to fictitious characters, I repeated this to myself throughout:  “You know it’s coming.  He’s allergic to bees, he’s going to die.  Keep it together, Christine.”  Yet from the moment Macaulay went to find Veda’s moodring near the beehive, through the “He can’t see without his glasses!!!!” funeral scene, until the credits came rolling down, I sobbed uncontrollably.

3) For some reason, I decided it was a good idea to follow up My Girl with a viewing of Rosemary’s Baby.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I am thankful to not be a witch, to not be in close proximity to witches, and that I’m not married to somebody who would sell me out to the devil.  Lessons learned?  Never marry an actor.  Or befriend the elderly.

4) I finally finished the first volume of that Winston Churchill biography!  I’m excited to start reading the second volume – it’s from 1932 onward, so, you know, the juicy stuff.

5) I had coffee with an old high school friend who I haven’t seen in years.  It was really nice to see her!

6) Anna Leisa, Sarah Whiteley and I played a very public game of Phase 10, much like Middle Eastern old men (as AL informed us).

7) And lastly, I met Kara!!   If you were around in the livejournal days, you might better remember her as “scissorpaws.”  We’ve quasi-known each other over our blogs and over Facebook for a couple years now, so it was cool to finally meet her at the Rock on Friday.  We both thought the other would be taller. 

Kara, you were all I’d hoped for and more!  Way to choose Minneapolis!!

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Are you kidding me???

Moments ago I had this conversation with my manager:

Manager:  “Where’d you get those pens?”
Me:  “I bought them.  I was sick of having just two red pens.”
Manager:  “You bought them?  Do you know that we have pens?”
Me:  “We have pens?”
Manager:  “Yes, of course.  Follow me.”

My manager and I begin walking to the mail room.

Manager:  “I can’t believe you’ve been here for a year and you didn’t know where the pens are.  We’ve done a really bad job with you.”
Me:  “Do we have folders too??”
Manager:  “Yes.”
Me:  “That’s so great!!  I’ve been wanting to file stuff!”

My manager opens the cabinets where the office supplies are kept.

Manager:  “Here are the pens, there is some paper, and here are the folders.”
Me:  “This is like Christmas!”

I am visibly excited as I grab a legal pad and an arm load of folders.

Manager:  “All right, well you’re all set now!”
Me:  “Thank you!!  I can not believe this!!”

This is extremely exciting for me.  I’m going to file stuff now.

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I’m hungry!

Easily the most humiliating time of year for grade school Christine was Presidential Fitness time.  The athletic children lived for these prestigious awards, you couldn’t wipe the smiles off of their faces as they anticipated receiving their…  What did they receive?  Ribbons?  Trophies?  Pizza party?  I certainly wouldn’t know. 

Now, I did all right with the sit & reach, I came in somewhere around average.  The mile run, on the other hand, was a different sort of hell – the evilest sort of torture I could think of.  My friend Andrew and I would run together at the end of the pack, both of us self-consciously sweating and panting and going at about an 18 minute pace. 

Every year, without fail, he would betray me by storing up energy and sprinting past me for the last 100 yards.  And Andrew was a sentimental favorite in our class too, so everyone cheered him on as he crossed that finish line.  I followed behind him, forgotten and in last place, full of childlike bitterness toward him, our class, and our sadistic gym teacher.

And the pull-ups?  Don’t get me started.  I hung lifelessly like a dead koala from that bar.  Every year.







So, if I’d known 15 years ago that in my 20s I would willingly dole out over 100 dollars to run 26.2 miles past a city of onlookers, I would’ve immediately begun weeping.  Nothing would’ve been less appealing.

But overcoming my childhood insecurities isn’t really the point I’m trying to make here.  So I run now (it probably more accurately should be called “jogging”).  Whatever.  My point is that I’m hungry.  And I have nothing to eat in my cube except chocolate covered espresso beans and gourmet English Toffee. 

See, the annoying thing about regular physical activity is that you’re freaking starving all the time.  English Toffee for sustenance?  Unlikely!

Anyway, I’m meeting Lauren today for lunch at Leeann Chin’s.  I’m going to gorge myself on cream cheese wontons and peking chicken.  

Which, from what I’m told, is healthy.

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Icebreakers

Yesterday I was googling icebreaker questions for an upcoming small group meeting.  As expected, most were pretty boring (if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?), but there was one question that seemed to deviate from the norm:



“If you could choose one word to describe the elderly population, what would it be?”



This peculiar inquiry was wedged between “When do you sense being most alive?” and “Why don’t you speak to people in class who look lonely?” 

I find this extremely innappropriate, DHC Faculty Handbook!  The elderly are our bread and butter.  Without the elderly, there is no sage advice, no grandparents, no proof of World War I. 

And if I’m being honest, I don’t see how any answer that is not “wise,” “unyoung,” or “responsible” could avoid being offensive or patronizing. 



So, anyway, I suggested the question to Ben and his one word reply was:

“Onions!”







Maybe Ben and I shouldn’t be in charge of icebreakers.

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Eager to Learn

Want to know what I did yesterday?

Well, in the morning, I made coffee.  In my excitement, I forgot to put the coffee pot in its designated place (you know, in the big pot-shaped crevice under the filter where the water flows out?).  Whoops.  I didn’t notice anything was wrong until I saw that coffee begin to engulf my countertop and kitchen floor. 

I stared in shock for 10 full seconds before I even began to try to remedy the situation.  Where does one begin to clean up such a scalding hot mess?

In the evening, I wanted to make breaded apple sausages, but got distracted by my somewhat dirty floor.  I filled a tub with all-purpose cleaner/water and grabbed a sponge.  I was scrubbing away at the floor, probably lost in my thoughts about celebrity gossip (Britney got showed up by Paris again), when the fire alarm went off.  I looked up to find I was surrounded by smoke.  Breaded apple sausage smoke.

On the bright side, I got some cleaning done, my apartment smells delightful, and I was able to eat with the sliding door open (winter air is pleasing to me!).

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